i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize