we're blogging at a bar
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
