I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
