Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
