He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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