Moan for me like Helen Keller
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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