they need to just BURY HIM!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
