But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
