yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
