Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
