I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
