if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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