He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
