i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
