those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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