I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
