do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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