I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Where is the hickey?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
