We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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