Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
