she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize