I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
