i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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