Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
