Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
