Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
