Someone shit on the floor
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
