So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
