So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Boobs are out for the taking
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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