I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
