i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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