smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
