i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
