I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
