when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
