My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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