yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
