ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
