He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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