im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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