If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
