I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
