'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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