I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
