I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
