So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
