He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
