using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
