i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
