I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
