as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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