I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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