The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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