ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
