yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
sex in a hospital.. check
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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