Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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