just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize