he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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