Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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