I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
