i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
