Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
