So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
