some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
