38 yer olds are good kisserssss
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
