I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
