You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
