Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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