You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
