I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
