it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
