And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
