So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
