he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
